


Dear Aaron

by Lopithecus



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Letters, M/M, Prison
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:08:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21535720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lopithecus/pseuds/Lopithecus
Summary: Robert writes letters to Aaron he’ll never send while he’s in prison
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	1. Dear Aaron Pt. 1

**Author's Note:**

> These are mostly self-indulgent. If you have any other ideas for letters, let me know and I might write it!
> 
> (The letters are in no particular order. It's just when I wrote them.)

The night after he talks to his solicitor about divorcing Aaron is the hardest. He paces his cell as he can feel the crushing weight of panic gripping his chest, tears rolling steadily down his cheeks. His breaths come in short gasps and he’s shaking uncontrollably. He rubs at his cheeks futitly, trying to get rid of his tears but they keep coming and the panic keeps getting more and more strong.

Quickly, Robert yanks the chair away from the desk and sits down, grabbing a piece of paper and his pen, beginning to write desperately. It’s what grounds him and allows him to pretend that he actually has someone in the outside world to talk to, as if he isn’t completely alone.

_Dear Aaron, I’m sorry. Please don’t forget. Please don’t forget how much I love you. When you move on and find a new bloke_

Tears fall onto the paper, splashes of ink dispersing on the page.

_please, Aaron, please still don’t forget how much I love you. Always._

Robert sniffles and chokes, wiping at his eyes again.

_I’m sorry. I’m so sorry._

He breaks then, the pen falling from his grasp. Robert hangs his head, lays it down on the small desk, and sobs there until he falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	2. Dear Aaron Pt. 2

Robert sits down at the desk that is located in his cell slowly, hissing in pain as sharp stabs spike up his side. It hurts to breathe, the prison nurse telling him he has a few broken ribs, and his eye and lip hurt. When he had looked at himself in the mirror earlier, he had seen that his lip was cut and his left eye terribly swollen.

He had asked for some paper and a pen so he could write a letter. He’s not entirely sure why he’s doing this. Robert knows he won’t send the letter out, that he can’t do that after deciding to let Aaron go. But he feels the need to do this, can feel the loneliness weighing him down already. He wonders, if he pretends that he is going to send the letter, if he can make himself believe, even for a short period of time, that he isn’t alone, that someone is waiting for him outside of prison.

He knows he has to try. Robert won’t make it through the first year of being here if he doesn’t. So he starts to write.

_Dear Aaron,_

_I know you’re probably angry with me right now but you must understand, Aaron, I’m doing this for your own good. It’s not right that you have to wait fourteen years for me, maybe even longer if they don’t grant me parole after those years. What kind of husband would I be if I held you back like that? We would have very few visits anyway, with me being so far away now. I can’t do that to you. I won’t do that to you._

_So I’m going to set you free._

_If you love something, set it free. Isn’t that the saying?_

_Well I love you, so, so much, Aaron. Always. And I can’t watch you drag yourself through life just for me. So, as much as it hurts me, I’m going to let you go._

_And you don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be fine…_

Robert bites his bottom lip and immediately regrets it, the cut stinging.

_I wouldn’t want you to see me in this state anyway. I got a… what you might call an initiation, I suppose. But don’t worry, it’s not that bad, I promise. And you know me, I’ll be in the in crowd before you know it. My charm will win them over._

_So don’t worry about me, okay? Everything will be fine, for you and me, even if we are separate from one another now. These are our lives now. You living yours, with your family to support you, and me… well, me with one hour outdoor time._

_(You wouldn’t know it, but I am smiling at my own dumb joke. I like to think you smiled at it too because, well, you know, you love me. You’re always suppose to smile at my dumb jokes.)_

_Aaron, I hope you live a long and happy life. Take care of yourself, allow your family to support and help you while I can no longer do so._

_I love you._

_So, so much._

_Always._

_Love,  
_ _Robert._

When he’s done signing off on the paper, he smile down at it, bittersweet. Folding the paper carefully, he gets up and stuffs it under his pillow. He then lies down on the too small bed and tries to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	3. Dear Aaron Pt. 3

_Dear Aaron,_

_The food tastes like crap here. You weren’t kidding when you said decent food was one of the things you miss the most when locked up. I don’t know how they get away with feeding us such rubbish. It makes me wish I could go into the kitchen and cook myself up a meal._

_Maybe they’ll give me a kitchen job once I’m here long enough. What do you reckon? Think they’ll let me cook for the other inmates? I could cook that favorite dish of yours (you know the one I’m talking about.) Maybe they’ll even let me have it as a special. I could make it every Tuesday and name it Aaron’s Special. How you think they’d like that?_

_After spending so much time in a kitchen, I’d probably come up with loads new recipes. I could cook you some when I get out._

_Or… well… I guess not really, huh?_

_You’ll have your new husband to do that for you probably._

_Or maybe he’ll be just as bad a cook as you are (no offense.)_

_I doubt he would like me cooking for you… and… and your… your baby with him._

_Your perfect little family…_

_Without me…_

_Because you’re not mine anymore…_

_Aaron I…_

_Nevermind…_

_Love,_

_Robert_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	4. Dear Aaron Pt. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one

_Dear Aaron,_

_How long does it take to get used to the routine? I had thought at the Hotten prison that I just hadn’t had enough time yet for it to feel normal but I’m going to be spending 14 years of my life here. I don’t want it to take that long to no longer feel this… empty._

_This… alone…_

_God I miss you. I miss Seb and Liv, Victoria and Diane._

_It’s lonely here Aaron._

_How… how am I supposed to survive 14 years feeling this alone?_

_Love,  
Robert _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	5. Dear Aaron Pt. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short one

_Dear Aaron,_

_I lost track of time of how long I’ve been here this morning. It’s already felt like years. When I asked one of the guards what day it was and then realized it’s only been three weeks…_

_That hurt…_

_How did you do it, Aaron? It hasn’t even been a month. How did you do it?_

_How am I going to do it?_

_…I don’t know if I can…_

_Love,  
Robert_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	6. Dear Aaron Pt. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any other ideas for letters, let me know and I might write it!

_Dear Aaron,_

_The daily grind is starting to get to me. I've honestly lasted longer than I thought but I'm starting to get bored. You know me, never one to stick to something for too long._

_In prison, you have no choice. You get up, you eat, you do your job, get free time or outside (it's the guards' choice), eat some more, and then you go to sleep._

_Well... you know the drill._

_I've gone looking through some old books they have here, trying to find something that catches my fancy. I picked up two of them (I had to charm one of the guards to let me take a second book back to my cell.)_

_One is called Wait for Me by Caroline Leech (I picked it up because the title reminded me of you and me.) But as I read the book, it reminded me more of when I was a teenager on the farm. A forbidden love between a farmer and a farmhand that could potentially tear the family apart..._

_The second one is Say You Still Love Me by K.A. Tucker (another one, I admit, I picked up because it reminded me of us.) As I am reading this one, it reminds me of us. This one is better. I like thinking about us._

_It's like reliving the earlier days with you and me, the time when I was still part of the White family and you and I were just a secret. God, I can't believe how much I loved you even back then._

_You'd probably find it funny that I am the main female character in the book. That would make you the love interest with a distant attitude who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. Sounds a bit like you, doesn't it._

_Is it weird that these books make me happy and sad at the same time?_

_Maybe I should try mystery instead..._

_Love,  
Robert _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	7. Dear Aaron Pt. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short but I felt like it fit to have it just be this

_Dear Aaron,_

_God, I could use one of your hugs right now. To feel your arms wrapped around me, warm and safe. To hold you tight and kiss you until you are blushing red._

_I miss that._

_I miss it a lot…_

_Love,  
Robert_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
